Anchor Me
by paily-pll
Summary: Set after 5x03. 'You deserve the best of everything" and Emily let her walk away. But what if she can't let it stay that way?
1. Chapter 1

Set after 5x03 - thereafter no continuation to what happens in the show. If its well received, i'll continue :-)

Paige looked at her phone again and again. She had no idea what to make of it. No matter how many times she tried to re-phrase it, make it a question or a statement, whatever it was just didn't make sense.

It'd been over a week since they'd last spoken. Emily had told her she deserved the best of everything and she could barely stop herself crumbling to the floor. Emily _was_ the best for her, the best she'd ever have. Or even if Emily wasn't, she was exactly what Paige wanted, and that's all that mattered. So still she sat, steady on her bed, staring at her phone as she tried to process…

"Come round to mine…."

That was it. Five minutes had passed and Paige hadn't moved an inch. Her hand still held in the air and her breath still hitched in her throat. Was Emily asking or telling? Was it a suggestion or a hope? Was it an olive branch or nothing of the sort? She finally reacted, a quick shake of the head and a deep breath before she rose to her feet and started to move. She didn't know what it was, but there was never really any doubt what the answer would be.

Emily was pacing. Up and down her room. Round and round the kitchen. Even on the front porch before she realised it was far too public to be acting like a crazy person, people did not need any further convincing. She has no idea why she sent the text… well she does but she's refusing to accept the fact that she simply misses Paige. She misses everything about her. But strangely enough she misses the way she feels around her even more. She's been searching for a way to fill the void. Something else that'll get her heart racing or laughing so hard that she could cry. She tried it all, running more, training with spencer, funny movies, sad movies, family time and distractions with the girls but nothing did it. And she hadn't quite pin pointed what she needed until earlier that afternoon.

Paige and her had both signed up to be psychology mentors for the first years. Taking full advantage of finally getting full marks in a subject outside of Phys Ed and seeing a real way to add to their scholarships hopes. And it had been great, except now they were both mentoring in the same classroom, trying to avoid awkward situations and the slight stares they see out the corner of the other students' eyes. And this afternoon Emily had been feeling a little more fraught than usual, deliberately placing herself at the back of the classroom not wanting to come into actual contact with any part of Paige. She knew it was stupid, they couldn't avoid each other for ever, even she had said that maybe they'd be friends. But she also negated to say that she loves her too. That she loves her and hates her for what she did and she can't get past it. So she's withdrawn herself from the problem, or so she thought…  
Because there Paige was smiling and coaxing and sweetly helping her students whilst kindly hiding the fact she knew Emilys' eyes hadn't left her all afternoon. She just couldn't look away. It had finally clicked that she wasn't going to be able to just push Paige out her life and find something else to distract her. It was always Paige she needed. She sighed hard and pushed herself from the desk, tearing her eyes from Paige and telling her own students that she'd be back in a second before staring hard at the floor and making a sharp exit.

She had managed to make it just out the door before a hand gently locked onto her wrist. She jumped and sharply snatched it away. What with her history, she's a little jumpy. But as soon as she did, she wished she hadn't. As she turned and her eyes had fallen on a sorry filled Paige, a warmth rose up her arm and through her entire body. A flame reignited and her whole body shivered. But Paige had seen nothing but the reaction of Emily seemingly wanting to be nowhere near her and had raised her hands in defence before looking at her longingly, dropping her head and returning to class, leaving Emily stood alone in the corridor.

Emily never returned to the class. She had instead walked around and around Rosewood, not caring that people might wonder why she wasn't still at school, until she'd wasted over three hours and returned home, collapsing on her bed. She couldn't do it anymore. Every sinew of her being screamed out to be close to Paige. And her hatred at the feeling only added to the remaining anger at Paige, intensifying the whole thing. She wanted Paige to now how angry she was, make her understand. And the ways in which she wanted to do that no longer included ignoring her, shouting at her or keeping her at a distance. If fact, it was the complete opposite. Before she could stop herself, before she could fully process what she was doing, Emily was texting Paige.  
And now she's pacing, still pacing. Up and down, up and down. Until she stops dead still, in the middle of her hallway at the sound of a car door closing and footsteps slowly approaching her door.

Paige stands still herself, just looking at Emilys door. For once, Rosewood is silent. All she can hear is her own breathing and her heart beating hard in her chest. She checks the text, and looks again one more time, just to reassure herself that it wasn't imagined, before she gives a light tap on the door.

But she hears nothing.

Emily takes one slow, very unsteady step backwards and immediately wishes she'd never sent that text. She's not ready to acknowledge whatever feeling is burning inside of her and she defiantly isn't ready to act upon it. She thought she was, but now that she knows that option is just meters away, she's all but running. Her heart races and head spins, struggling to keep her focus. She peers around the corner and see's Paiges shadow at the door. She can tell Paiges head is hung low, like so many times before, and as much as she wants to ignore it, it does stir something inside of her. For a second, she takes a deep breath and moves forward, knowing there's a reason she sent the text, asked Paige to come over… But as soon as her foot hits the floor, her body is moving the opposite direction and she's heading straight up the stairs.

She takes them slow as she can, quietly, and halts for a second when Paige knocks again. Her stomach rolls over with guilt and suppressed want but she buries it deeper and continues. She takes the next three steps quicker and is so nearly at the top, so assured that if she can just get upstairs, somehow it'll sort itself out… when she forgets what she's doing. She forgets to avoid the centre of just that one step that creaks, the one step that she has perfected missing so many times before, but this time it sounds louder than ever.

Paige hears it. As crazy as it is, and she has to replay the sound in her head to convince herself she wasn't imagining it. Could she really have heard a stair creak though a solid door? But she'd know that sound anywhere. She'd practised side stepping it herself when she had somewhat 'overstayed her welcome' and their parental 10pm cut off. She knew that sound anywhere.

For a second she waits, hoping that it's Emily making her way downstairs. But something tells her it isn't, something tells her it's Emily walking the exact opposite way. And now she's annoyed, because she knows no one else is home. She knows it's Emily and she knocks louder. And once more a few minutes later when she still gets no reply. Paige scans the porch, looks behind her, just checking that no one else was around, playing a joke on her. But instead it's worse, it's Emily making her feel like a fool.

Before she lets anger take hold, she decides one last move and opens her messages.

'Knock knock…'

Emilys shaking. She's actually sitting on her bed with a slight tremble to her hands as she reads the message. The alert tone had sounded like a raid siren but now her ears just ring with silence. How exactly does she answer!? Would 'I'm sorry' really explain everything she's suddenly feeling? That she's honestly just trying to stay afloat and not drown in her emotions, reaching out for something to keep her steady…

'Fine'

Her phone startles her again, she has no idea whether just seconds or minutes had passed. But as soon as she reads the singular response, Emily knows it's the latter. She can't stop herself, she doesn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed but she needs to clarify what that means and suddenly she's at her window, staring down at the driveway. She only has to wait a second before she see's her. Paige, looking stunning even from above, and it makes her breath hitch. Paige pauses, as if she somehow hears it. Somehow is that connected to Emily that she knows she's being watched, that Emily is there looking down at her, still not breathing. But Emily watches as Paige shakes herself too a little and then slowly, but assuredly, continues down the path and away from Emily.

Emily has no idea what happened first. Was it the realisation that she needed to stop backing out, stop reverting to hiding away from what she wants, or finding out what she wants. Just like the person she used to be. Was it that she can't stand being the one to hurt Paige, even if she is still hurt herself. She doesn't know if it was the sound of her phone hitting the floor as her hand goes limp, or the ragged breath she finally took… but before Paige had taken three further steps, she was turning, running out of her room, leaving her phone spinning on the floor behind her. She slides around the corner and when she distinctively hears the creak in the stairs, she knows she'd laugh if she wasn't already throwing the door wide and running onto the porch.

"Paige wait..!"


	2. Chapter 2

It seems faint to Paige. Barely audible infact what with her internal monolog berating her for being such an idiot. For getting her hopes up. For actually driving over to Emilys, the entire way imagining images and situations of her and Emily together, finally being able to just even be near her again without that awful hang of anger in the air. She hardly heard it, but she still halts.

'_Paige wait'_ she replays in her head and it's suddenly as clear as day. Emily's behind her and suddenly she's stuck. Unable to move. Just minutes ago she was hoping for some kind of absolution, and seconds ago she had to stop herself punching a door which provided no response. Now she had no idea what to do.

She slowly turns, finding Emily stood illuminated on her porch, eyes staring her down. She looks back, unsure what to do. Unsure what to say. Emily had ignored her, left her standing there questioning why she'd ever hoped the text could be something good, but she also knows that just to text would have taken a lot for Emily. And now that she's standing there, just meters away, Paige can only be reminded of the last time they were in the exact same positions.

'_You deserve the best of everything'_ Paige starts to think, but quirks an eyebrow as even in her head it sounds different.

"You deserve the best of everything" Emily says aloud.

She didn't know what else to say. She was all too aware that Paige had also realised where they were standing, and suddenly it seemed right. It was the last proper conversation they'd had and Emily wished she'd had it in her to finish it differently. But she was too mad then. And she still is angry, but in this moment, it doesn't seem to matter.

"That's what I had…" Paige repeats with a little caution, wondering where Emily's going with this.

And slowly her McCullers doubt creeps in. What if Emily is just replaying their last moments, hoping that her compliment somehow makes Paige forget the text ever happened? Her head lowers, she hates that it does, but she can't see how the conversation is going to be any different to last time. Emily see's Paige look away, and the action alone means so much. It's so poignant for them that it flashes every intimate moment they've ever had back into the forefront of Emilys mind and before Paige can raise her gaze, she's moving.

Paige doesn't see her coming and jumps slightly as Emily appears before her. All at once Emily is lifting Paige's chin with soft fingers on her jaw, and staring so deeply into her eyes she feels like Emily can see straight into her soul. She watches as Emily's eyes drop to her lips and her stomachs suddenly in knots. But before anything else happens, Paige steps back just slightly, Emilys' fingers falling from her skin.

"Em, what's going on?" she's not entirely sure she wants to know the answer. Most of her could quite gladly stand with Emily looking at her, with that specific look of awe, for the entire night, but a small part of her just won't stop questioning.

"Honestly? I don't know" Emily sighs, her hands dropping to her sides and gaze lowering to the floor.

Paiges' previous anger immediately disappears as she watches Emily spiral in front of her. The girl may be standing rock still, but she knows that inside her head is nothing but a whirlwind of emotion and confusion, with no sign of what direction to turn.

"Look, if you want me to go. It's fine. We'll just call it a night…"

"Paige, that's the last thing I want!" Emily interrupts exasperated with her own indecision, lightly grabbing hold of Paiges wrist as she was speaking and halting any further talk of leaving.

"Then what do you want Emily?" Paiges frustration only slightly returning at her own confusion over the whole night as she waits for a reply...

"You".

It's stated so simply that Paige has no idea how just one monosyllabic word could have such a mind numbing effect on her. She barely remembers Emily sliding her hand down from her wrist and linking their fingers together, somewhat hesitantly, waiting for Paige to reply. But she had no idea what to say, so she instead went with what she knew to be true. She wanted Emily too. So she returned the hold and followed in step when Emily gingerly turned on her heels and led Paige into the house. Not a word was uttered or even a glance shared until they were in Emilys bedroom, both instinctively avoiding the creaky stair and unknowingly both smiling slightly in response.

As Emily turned to close her door, their hands gently slipped apart and it was like reality clicking back into place. With Emily lifting her gaze with her fingers on her jaw, the world had stopped for just a second and reality disappeared. With Emily slowly sliding their hands together, it had done the same. And now suddenly, there they were, with Emily slowly turning back to face Paige, both standing awkwardly in her room, neither knowing what to say.

"Reminds me of the first time I ever came in here…" Paige mumbles more to herself than anything else, but Emily replies, glad for the ice breaker whilst more than a little intrigued.

"How so?"

"The awkward text, slow walk up the stairs and then standing here like the next conversation could change everything". Paige explains ,but with every word she feels the atmosphere tightening.

Emily sighs again, running her fingers through her hair and walking towards the bed, dropping down to sit on the edge. Her mind was spinning. All she wants is to be near Paige. To have her close, feel her there with just a simple stretch of an arm. But how could she explain that? She knows it's not fair. She's not forgiven her. She doesn't know when she will, but she knows she wants her. That's the only thing she's certain of.

"Em…." Paige breathes out, just looking for a way to let Emily know she can still talk to her.

"That doesn't help you know" Emily laughs slightly under her breath as she lifts her gaze to a confused looking Paige. "You seem to say my name differently than anybody else…."

Paige laughs slightly. She understands what Emily means. Whenever Emily says her name, it makes her heart race, it's different to anyone else. She shakes her head a little and moves forward, dropping herself down next to Emily and although they aren't touching, it's the closest they've been in a while.

"I'm sorry you know… for the text" Emily finds herself saying, "And for earlier today. I didn't mean to snatch my arm away, I just didn't realise it was you and I had to get out of that classroom" she continues to ramble, her eyes fixed on her own hands in her lap.

Paige listens and tries to decide how best to answer.

"You're sorry for sending it, or sorry that you didn't answer the door..?" she presses, guessing it's better to just ask.

"Both…" and Paiges' head drops in confirmation of what she'd hoped wasn't true. "No, I mean… I'm not sorry I sent it. Just sorry that it's all so… messed up". Emily continues and Paige feels a little better, choosing to remember that just minutes ago Emily had said she'd wanted her.

"So, why d'you run out earlier today?" Paige tries to somewhat change the topic, lighten the air. But with the way that Emily raises her head and looks at her, it does the exact opposite.

"You really don't know?" Emily questions, her eyes suddenly locked with Paiges.

Emily still can't quite handle that Paige has never realised the hold she had on her. She knows Paige used to think their attraction was initially one sided, but she couldn't have been more wrong. And Paige still has the most overpowering effect on her, one that Emily still hasn't learnt to keep in check. And the look that Paige is giving her now is one of the things that does it. That look of, '_are you really talking about_ _me_', '_do I really have that effect on you_?', that sends Emilys judgement out of the window. Once again, her body is suddenly moving without hesitation.

The second her lips meet Paiges, she's lost. In a good way. Lost back into the feeling Paige gives her, the feeling she's been craving ever since their 'break up'. Paige gasps into the kiss, so unexpected in her mind that it takes her a second to reciprocate, but once she does, it's without question. She'd told herself that if she ever did get to kiss Emily again, she'd be sure of the reasons for it. Sure that everything was ok with them again. But now that Emily is there, slowly pressing harder into her and reaching for her waist, there's not a single part of her that wants to question even one second of it.

Emily traces her hand around Paiges waist to her lower back and pulls her closer, closing the gap between them, relishing the feel of having her close again. Paige just grasps the bed sheets with her hands though. Even though she's kissing her back, something's stopping her from reaching out for Emily. Something in her knowing that it's different, like she doesn't want to give all of herself to Emily, let go completely and pull her in too because something's changed. But when Emily feels Paiges' tension and slows the kiss a little, only to trace her tongue over Paiges bottom lip, Paige is at a loss to stop the moan forming in the back of her throat.

She opens slightly, at least physically and allows Emily to deepen the kiss. The girl pulling her so close that she's practically on her lap. Paiges' hands still held away, one gripping the sheets and one behind her to stop them falling back. She doesn't realise that although she's kissing Emily with everything she has, every other part of her body has refrained from touching her. And it's not until Paige tastes Emilys tears between their lips that she realises and so does Emily. She pulls away a little and rests her head on Emilys, taking a deep breath, her head spinning slightly. Emily's still holding her so close but her body's shaking and Paige finally lifts her hand.

"Em, it's ok" she whispers as she traces her thumb over her cheek, wiping away the falling tears.

"No, it's not".

It's broken and so wrapped with emotion that all Paige can do is pull her in. She may not feel like she could touch her when they're kissing, but seeing her so broken, Paige can't stop herself from dragging Emily fully into her body and hugging her as tight as she dare. Emilys reply captured far more than just one reason. And she was right, it wasn't ok. It wasn't ok that this was their situation now. That Paige had broken her trust, no matter how well intended and that Emily was still mad. It wasn't ok that Emily had text her just to have her close or that Paige had allowed herself to let Emily back in a little when she knows it's not how she wants it. None of it was ok. But the biggest sting to Paiges heart, was the sound of Emily crying in her arms.

Paige shifted back slightly, pulling Emily with her and resting them back against the foot of the bed. Emily curled straight into her. Her leg draped over Paiges, her arm around her waist and her head in the crook of Paiges neck. Paige held her close, gently rubbing her hand over Emily's back and shoulders, trying to calm her, trying to provide some sense of comfort to Emilys unravelling world. And it seemed it was working, Emily was slowly relaxing and the sobs became less frequent. Yet as Emilys breathing slowed and her muscles softened and Paige felt her falling asleep in her arms, she felt herself progressively but so intensely, fall apart.

When Emily woke, she felt lighter somehow. In that split second where you're languishing between dreams and reality, she felt warm. Loved and safe. Until all at once it was gone, and she realised the warmth around her was no longer Paiges strong, soft, all-encompassing body but the heaviness of her duvet tucked tightly around her. Her own pillow had been placed under her head as she lay at the foot of her bed, curled around what was so evidently a Paige shaped vision that no longer remained. As Emily propped herself up, she genuinely wondered whether she had imagined it all. If she had fallen apart in a state of her own turmoil and cried herself to sleep thinking about Paige. Wishing she was there and holding her close, just telling her it was going to be ok. And it made her feel physically sick, the thought that she could have invented it all, the only thing in weeks that had made her feel anything less than the dull ache now burning itself back to life.

She slowly shifted to sit against the foot of her bed and breathed deep before slightly holding her breath. She could smell her. The scent of Paige still hung in the air and it made her heart race, made her believe that it wasn't a figment of her imagination. That last night had been real. No matter how confused and misguided it all was, Paige had been there. She had kissed her back and held her close and stayed with her whilst she slept. Even though she was gone now, she had been there.

Emily sat up a little more, slowly allowing the confusion of it all to settle in her mind, about to try and unravel everything she was feeling. Why had Paige left? What would happened now and why had Paige come in the first place? And then she saw it. A note on her bedside table.

'I'll be here for you. For whatever you need'.

...

_So it took me forever to update, I know! But thank you for all letting me know you wanted it to continue. And the third chapter is already underway. It can end there or continue a little longer so let me know what ya'll think! :-)_


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